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May. 9th, 2008 | 02:22 pm
posted by: widowhawk in oldschoolbutch

So, Ms. Jacqui and I were discussing this earlier today and she suggested I write a post about it, so here goes.

The very first time I met Jacqui socially, for coffee, at the end of the evening (how many hours did we talk that night, love?), I asked if I could walk her to her car. I have had the crap beaten out of me for someone thinking I was queer. And I am big and mean looking, and Ms. J is not. She is an inch and a half taller than I, and 100 lbs. smaller, with grey hair and she carries a purse. She could be a perfect target.

Ever since then, in a public place, I have been very protective of her at night.

I have been protective of her no matter what: last year, when I was in the wheelchair and not supposed to bear weight, Ms. Jacqui had come over. I was near the kitchen, and she was in another room, and I heard her fall. I jumped up and ran 3 steps toward her, cast and all, before I realized what I was doing. Both mama and Jacqui yelled, "NO!" and brought me to awareness, and I had to wait, standing like a stork, while Ms. Jacqui retrieved my wheelchair and brought it to me.

In the last several months I have engaged in several conversations about going to play space (sorry, no link), and the first thing that sprang to my mind was that I would need to go first, without Jacqui to make sure I could keep her safe. I even had a discussion with the Back-up-Butch about going with so that she could help me make sure that Ms. Jacqui was safe and that her panties never came off, at least until after her surgery.

Last night, Ms. Jacqui and I went to the frameline event, Trained in the Ways of Men at the LGBT Community Center. After the movie and panel, we were getting into the car, and it was dark and no one was around. Ms. Jacqui was putting my wheelchair in the trunk, and I stood at the car door, creating a visible presence, until she got into the car.

We discussed this; I figured my standing like that might discourage someone from accosting her, and even if they did, I could more easily get to her if I was already standing. Silly me, I am nearly as defenseless as a kitten right now - the best I could hope for is to kneecap someone with the elevated leg rest on the wheelchair, and then throw myself on top of them and crush them.

But the Butch heart does not always know what the Butch brain does - it is not logical nor does it think things through. Funny, that.

X-posted to Butch Bros' L

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